& teach one another words of wisdom; yea, seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom; seek learning, even by study and also by faith. ~ Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you ~
When I was in Merrie Miss at church (a primary class for like 10 or 11 year olds I think?) I remember one day coming to church, maybe it was the day of fast and testimony meeting, and I was anxious cause I didn't think I had a testimony and I didn't know how to get one. Then my teacher, Dawn Fairbanks taught a lesson on "HOW TO GAIN A TESTIMONY" - I felt like that was a miracle! AND even better, I already had the first step done: I had a DESIRE!
I remember feeling like God knew what I was concerned about and that he was leading me along. He gave me a lesson that day that was exactly what I was ready to hear.
And Part 2 came out on Saturday, I just finished listening to it today. I especially loved the ending from 1:07:30 about Gratitude (my never ending quest to become grateful) really great thoughts shared.
Wes shared his testimony today - he mentioned how before he left for high adventure, I said I'd pray for him that the mosquitoes would not eat him alive. He said how he was grateful for my prayers, cause he didn't get many bites. Then I felt guilty! Cause I don't think I actually did pray for that specifically for him. I'm pretty sure I did pray though for his general safety. He also talked about how on their high adventure trip it rained a lot, and when he prayed for rain to stop while he went to the bathroom, it worked. Also over the weekend he had one ticket to go to the One Republic concert for the young adults of the church, and wanted another one for his date Grace, and they prayed for it and he did get a ticket, even though he confessed it was a wimpy prayer and without faith, he didn't believe would be answered. So wow, God hears mighty AND wimpy prayers!
I didn't go up to share my testimony, but if I had, I would have shared what I was thinking about this past week when I was carrying butterflies around Park City. We had 5 emerge up there, and each time I walked them down to the park on Main Street so they could have flowers and hopefully a safer place to fly around than by the hotel pool. As I walked with them on my finger, I was looking up as I passed by people, hoping they'd see it and smile or ask so I could share it. I did have a few people notice, stop and look, but most didn't look at me or notice what I was holding. Why did they not see? I wish they had, cause I was carrying something amazing!
I had a moment of awe to share but they were missing it! Do I look around me to see the blessings and gifts and miracles that God has in front of me? What am I missing? God is willing to show me and share amazing things with me. LOOK! Pay attention! Listen to his still small voice - look around and see the butterflies!
Things will not always go your way, but you have to work with what you've got. And once you're able to work with what you have, multiple doors just start to open!
I shared my testimony at church this morning. I jotted down a few thoughts on a phone notepad during the meeting, so from those prompts, here is what I shared (with a little more, to flesh out the thoughts):
Life is about balance - it's 50-50. But that does not mean that if you keep things in balance things will be good! It means that balance is even - it's 50% hard days/trials and 50% good days! So just expect it and know that when things are hard, it's not bad or mean that you're out of balance. It's like in Star Wars - everyone thought it was a good thing that the Force would be brought into balance, like that things would be good, but no! It means that the Jedi were gonna die cause there were a lot more Jedi, and it had to be brought more into balance (I really did mention Star Wars, and don't know why that popped into my brain, but I said it and who knows if that was what someone needed to hear for my thought to make sense) -
But we all have trials, and they are necessary and good for us. A young man got up earlier, from Venezuela, who was visiting and he shared his testimony in Spanish, so I just said that I liked what he said about trials - he had gotten hit on his motorbike and it was a hard trial, but he tried to turn to God and said "Tu me conoces" and pruebas nos ayudan, y Dios sabe porque permite estas pruebas." So I briefly shared that and how I agreed with him.
So things had felt out of balance in my life the past two weeks, which prob started with sick kids - and I had one night where I seriously was woken up 20 times, several times and EVERY hour of the night (that was on the night between Feb 24 - Feb 25. I felt like a zombie the next day, and that was a bad night too, and I stayed home from church on the 26th cause Peter had a cough and K had a fever, (I didn't give all these details) so I was struggling, but then, looking back now, I realize that I compounded the problem and I just got all worked up with worry about the future and doubt about the present.
Like in 1 Nephi 16:35, Ishmael died, and the daughters justifiably mourn the present loss of their father, but then they compounded the problem by making the past and future look dark too! They regretted their past actions of faith (leaving Jerusalem) and focused on how hard everything was, then projected problems into their future saying "after all these sufferings we must perish in the wilderness with hunger!"
So I compounded my tired state and my sick kids trial by also, adding on top of that, frustrated thoughts about our broken tub handle (which made it so I couldn't take a warm bath to help Katharine with her fever, we tried a shower but that wasn't very good) and I continued to spiral feeling bad about our house, the mess, the lack of time I have, etc etc. And then I was also frustrated because I was struggling! And I was feeling like God hasn't heard our prayers for the past 10 years for help with Corey's career or buying a home and who knows if this current thing he's trying will bear any fruit and we're just going to be struggling for the rest of our life - all my former feelings about MovieMouth But something from Lili De Hoyos Anderson in a John2-4 podcast, she said that weakness is different from rebellion. I was struggling and fearful out of weakness I think - I was not being rebellious, I was trying. So that was helpful thing. Christ is so good and patient with us. Storms pass. I meant to share some of the lyrics of "Even If" by MercyMe, which I listened to on repeat the past few days. So beautiful!
EVEN IF
They say sometimes you win some Sometimes you lose some And right now, right now I'm losing bad I've stood on this stage night after night Reminding the broken it'll be alright But right now, oh right now I just can't
It's easy to sing When there's nothing to bring me down But what will I say When I'm held to the flame Like I am right now
I know You're able and I know You can Save through the fire with Your mighty hand But even if You don't My hope is You alone
They say it only takes a little faith To move a mountain Well good thing A little faith is all I have, right now But God, when You choose To leave mountains unmovable Oh give me the strength to be able to sing It is well with my soul
I know You're able and I know You can Save through the fire with Your mighty hand But even if You don't My hope is You alone I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt Would all go away if You'd just say the word But even if You don't My hope is You alone
You've been faithful, You've been good All of my days Jesus, I will cling to You Come what may 'Cause I know You're able I know You can
I know You're able and I know You can Save through the fire with Your mighty hand But even if You don't My hope is You alone I know the sorrow, I know the hurt Would all go away if You'd just say the word But even if You don't My hope is You alone
It is well with my soul It is well, it is well with my soul
So I seriously felt this past week like I was in an emotional storm. The lesson today in Sunday School was on the miracles of Jesus, including when he calmed the storm.
Another storm will arise no doubt. I will praise the Lord for the peace I feel and enjoy now, and when the next storm comes, I will strive to know that he is in the boat with me, that I don't need to be fearful.
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