I shared my testimony at church this morning. I jotted down a few thoughts on a phone notepad during the meeting, so from those prompts, here is what I shared (with a little more, to flesh out the thoughts):
Life is about balance - it's 50-50. But that does not mean that if you keep things in balance things will be good! It means that balance is even - it's 50% hard days/trials and 50% good days! So just expect it and know that when things are hard, it's not bad or mean that you're out of balance. It's like in Star Wars - everyone thought it was a good thing that the Force would be brought into balance, like that things would be good, but no! It means that the Jedi were gonna die cause there were a lot more Jedi, and it had to be brought more into balance (I really did mention Star Wars, and don't know why that popped into my brain, but I said it and who knows if that was what someone needed to hear for my thought to make sense) -
But we all have trials, and they are necessary and good for us. A young man got up earlier, from Venezuela, who was visiting and he shared his testimony in Spanish, so I just said that I liked what he said about trials - he had gotten hit on his motorbike and it was a hard trial, but he tried to turn to God and said "Tu me conoces" and pruebas nos ayudan, y Dios sabe porque permite estas pruebas." So I briefly shared that and how I agreed with him.
So things had felt out of balance in my life the past two weeks, which prob started with sick kids - and I had one night where I seriously was woken up 20 times, several times and EVERY hour of the night (that was on the night between Feb 24 - Feb 25. I felt like a zombie the next day, and that was a bad night too, and I stayed home from church on the 26th cause Peter had a cough and K had a fever, (I didn't give all these details) so I was struggling, but then, looking back now, I realize that I compounded the problem and I just got all worked up with worry about the future and doubt about the present.
Like in 1 Nephi 16:35, Ishmael died, and the daughters justifiably mourn the present loss of their father, but then they compounded the problem by making the past and future look dark too! They regretted their past actions of faith (leaving Jerusalem) and focused on how hard everything was, then projected problems into their future saying "after all these sufferings we must perish in the wilderness with hunger!"
So I compounded my tired state and my sick kids trial by also, adding on top of that, frustrated thoughts about our broken tub handle (which made it so I couldn't take a warm bath to help Katharine with her fever, we tried a shower but that wasn't very good) and I continued to spiral feeling bad about our house, the mess, the lack of time I have, etc etc. And then I was also frustrated because I was struggling! And I was feeling like God hasn't heard our prayers for the past 10 years for help with Corey's career or buying a home and who knows if this current thing he's trying will bear any fruit and we're just going to be struggling for the rest of our life - all my former feelings about MovieMouth But something from Lili De Hoyos Anderson in a John2-4 podcast, she said that weakness is different from rebellion. I was struggling and fearful out of weakness I think - I was not being rebellious, I was trying. So that was helpful thing. Christ is so good and patient with us. Storms pass. I meant to share some of the lyrics of "Even If" by MercyMe, which I listened to on repeat the past few days. So beautiful!
EVEN IF
So I seriously felt this past week like I was in an emotional storm. The lesson today in Sunday School was on the miracles of Jesus, including when he calmed the storm.
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Another storm will arise no doubt. I will praise the Lord for the peace I feel and enjoy now, and when the next storm comes, I will strive to know that he is in the boat with me, that I don't need to be fearful.
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