When I entered the MTC to prepare to serve my mission, my boyfriend now husband was a week away from finishing his mission. That is one of the main reason why after entering the MTC, I began to have second thoughts~
"Should I really do this? I'm gonna be gone another year and a half on top of the 2 years he's been gone and just finishing up. I could see him really soon if I weren't going on a mission. Do I really want to do this? Do I really know that this gospel and things I'll have to be testifying of are true? Ummm..."
Thus began my doubts that first week. And as I doubted, my happiness plummeted and I was a very miserable person. I continued to doubt and wonder if there was a way for me to get out when I attended my first Sunday sacrament meeting. Our branch president spoke, and the words he shared were for me. The part I remember was him saying "You've already committed to go, you signed a letter to the prophet promising that you would go." After hearing those words, I thought "Well, I guess I have to do this then..." and as I changed my commitment in my mind, my attitude changed too. As I let to of my doubts, I was immediately happy again. That was a testimony to me. Maybe I didn't know if it all was true, but I did know that if I believed it was true and obeyed what the Church teaches, I am happy.
It often now reminds me of this scripture from Alma 30:35 -
And now, believest thou that we deceive this people, that causes such joy in their hearts?
If we are happy, we will know it. I think there are a lot of people who look like they are happy who are not. And I know that wickedness is not happiness, and righteousness and obedience do give me happiness.
Also, when I got my hair cut recently and was going to pay the cashier, my hairdresser mentioned to the cashier that I was expecting my 9th, and he said "wow" and I got excited and said how fun it was, and I could have gone off about it, but I could tell it wasn't something I needed to share, didn't sound like "fun" to him, so I smiled and said thank you and as I left to my car, the thought "it is foolisness to them" came to me from this scripture in 1 Corinthians 2:14
But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
I felt he would not believe it that having a big family is fun, no way that he'd ever wish he could trade places with me. But I wish he really knew the joy I have. We first have to obey the commandments as an act of faith, and then as we obey and do, we will truly know the happiness and joy that come from them. But most people can't see it until they experience it themselves. I'm so thankful for the happiness that my family gives me, for my amazing in everyway husband who is my best friend, and for my beautiful children. I'm thankful to know that I can be with them forever. Here in this life, they will soon be fleeing the nest and starting their own lives and gaining their own experiences, and so although things will change, we start and end with FAMILY, thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ. I'm so grateful for this knowledge that I have of this happiness and truth.
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